I know I haven't posted in a while. The last two weeks for me have been wild to say the least. We have been through a lot here in the last few weeks. Here is a rundown:
1. Two weeks ago Sunday Derek Bee was killed in a car accident. Derek was a student at MCS and it was a really trying time for everyone - I spent a lot of time trying to minister to as many as possible.
2. With the summer basically here, I am busier than ever. This summer I have pledged not to be too program oriented but to be more people oriented. I have spent the last two weeks and everyday of it with someone in some sort of spiritual friendship.
3. Star Wars III is there really a need to elaborate? I've seen it twice.
4. I have about six drafts that I need to complete here, I will get them done in the coming weeks, probably not next week due to camp!
5. My wife Susan is in Denver this weekend, that means Daddy Day Care for four days. Pray for me. I admit, I just didn't get it.
6. I have spent much time in reflection and prayer on my ministry. I am asking God for the direction that he wants for this ministry.
7. I am having some other struggles that I am not free to talk about here. I wish I was. It is the same issue I have been dealing with for so many months. Only a couple of people know what it is. Say a prayer for me please. Ask God to help me deal with this issue His way, not my own.
I will get back in here soon. In the meantime, God bless you!
Last Wednesday night our student ministry conducted a worship time for the whole church. We called it "Focus on the Cross" It was so very different than anything we had ever done there. It was contemplative, reflective, experiential, all of the things that our typical Sunday morning services are not - normally. I was very encouraged by the response of our adults, I heard one complaint from the whole thing and it was a complaint over something we have been doing for a year and half, nothing over the fact that we had a prayer station or a cross and people nailing their sins to it. No, the complaint was over clapping and it was one person, who has continued to struggle with this. I have prayed for her often and will continue to pray for her. God has blessed me with her presence in my life and so with that I will also encourage her. Isn't that the way it is supposed to be though? I mean, we had thirty five people come forward and nail things to the cross, it was incredible. And while I was excited that everyone was encouraged by what we did. I was thrilled by this person feeling challenged. I think God wants us to be challenged, I think that if we sit through every worship time and gathering and feel happy and encouraged, then something has gone terribly wrong.
I want to walk out of our gathering times and feel as if I have a long way to go, I want to walk out and say "Man, that was uncomfortable." I haven't felt that way in a long time. But shouldn't I? Each time I gather with other believers and non-believers for that matter, I should feel disappointed in my self and ready to do something about it. That, to me, seems to be one of the many ways that growth occurs in me and all of us really. I know I am doing a lot of "I wanting" right now, but I think this "wanting" is the kind of "wanting" that God is "wanting" me to have.
Yesterday I went to Montgomery, AL with a group of kids from Mobile Christian for a school function, it was a lot of fun - I love all of those kids. They are awesome!
We took a large bus and on the way there and back I re-read Brian McLaren's "More Ready Than You Realize" It is such an encouraging book and he helps me to remember the importance of "spiritual friendships." I love the entire concept of "spiritual friendships" in regard to evangelism, to me it gives God the control over evangelism that he should have in the first place. Giving God control is pretty comforting to me, when I really do it. We ended up having a baptism on Wednesday night as well, from, you guessed it, a spritual friendship. McLaren is a great mind, he is one of those guys who writes the stuff that I think, but I am not sure how to verbalize. In many ways as I grow he makes me uncomfortable, even though I tell myself I am not. He makes me uncomfortable because reading his thoughts make me ask myself hard questions and open up to what I really think, much further than what I have been taught. He makes me open up to what I have read, in it's context and not just the skewing I have grown up with or gotten used to. It all makes me uncomfortable, and I think I like that.
Well, it all started about two weeks ago. My wife and I decided that it was really time to change. It had been a long time coming. I mean had done this and that from time to time to get better, but I never was consistent. I really struggle with this issue, I struggle with the questions I ask myself about whether or not I can really do it. Today, I am hurting - boy I am in so much pain, I am not sure what I am going to do. My body feels achy all over, it just plain hurts. I am so tempted by everything I see when I am out. I am tempted to not do anything at home but to go out and take care of myself.
On Monday, I went out with Susan and our friend Beth with Hayden in her stroller of course. I think we went 4 miles, that's is a lot for someone who usually goes no further than the couch to the fridge. Yeah, I am running everyday, my body is angry with me. Not just because of the run, but because of the diet. I have cut my calories down to 1500 per day, I just can't handle fad diets. 1500 calories is very low for a guy who was probably eating in the 3000's each day - yeah it's that bad. This seems to be working. I lost eights pounds in the first week, but now I have tapered off. I think it is because I have built up some muscle so what's lost is gained and the real losing should really begin. I am shooting for fifty pounds. I was a hefty 225, I should be about 170, but I am being realistic and going for 175. I haven't been 175 since my Freshman year - many a year ago. I know a bunch of you are also dieting, I hope you are doing well. I'll pray for you, and you can pray for me too. Just leave me a note.
Temptation is an ugly thing, I am realizing each day how hard this is. Especially in my job, where I hang out with teens so much and we eat most of that time. Ugh. I remember when I was in High School, my friend and I - Jimmy Rossi used to go to McDonald's everyday after school and have a Big Mac, In those days I was amazed at how much I could eat and not gain a pound. In school, I became addicted to three things:
1. Krystal - Faulkner is less than a mile from Krystal
2. Krispy Kreme - I could see the "Hot Donuts Now" sign from Burton dorm
3. Burger King - every night at 10:30 right before curfew, how sweet.
And then there are the honorable mentions - Tenda-Chik, Sonic, Taco Bell and my favorite Mexican place San Marcos.
I have hated the frustrations of clothes no longer looking good, looking at myself and going - "Wow, dude you have gained some weight." Not to mention the health risks - it's over!
So here I am. I've been building this building for years, now it's time to remodel.
