Hayden has been doing a lot of funny things lately. She turns two in just about a week, and she constantly blows me a way with her abilities and the fact that she grasps so many things. A sampling from today's activities:

1 - While Hayden was in the tub today Susan was working with her and talking to her about prayer, to which Hayden responds...
"Dea Gawd, Tank yew fo beaw, hurse, piggy, ashe shaw, shees g-sus. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaame-an."

Wanna put this dad into tears? That's the way...


2 - We were leaving Hobby Lobby as we bagan our wild day of after Thanksgving shopping and family time. Hayden begins to say .."I sawy G-sus, I sawy G-sus." Me too, Hayden.

What a powerful example of what I should be more like. It really clears up the statement that Jesus makes..."Unless you become like a little child...."

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Lately I have been sort of wishy washy. I have had a lot feelings and issues raging in my heart for several things and several reasons.
Last night my wife, Susan and I, had the opportunity to get some of those things out in the open. Not so much with each other, but with people who needed to hear it.
It was a time of some healing for us all...

We have struggled for a while...
We have been in a search for authentic, open, loving, and sharing community. Right now we haven't found it. I guess because the place we have been seeking it, just isn't the place that it will be found.
I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months, some day I will share those things, as ugly as they may or may not be. For today, here is what I will do:

I will praise God for my family. My wife Susan and daughter Hayden are His gifts to me.
I will be thankful that my family did not go through a nasty hurricane the way others did and still are.
I will take every opportunity to love others and be to them what Jesus would want me to be; caring, loving, and compassionate.
I will seek to follow Jesus wherever he might lead me.
I will try and give myself away everyday to someone, regardless of who they are or their status.
I will do a very bad job, but will still try, at not being so self-centered.
I will continue to listen for God's voice in all things....

In the end I will rejoice in the fact that I have been redeemed, and that His grace is sufficient for me.

May God grant you the brokeness to see yourself more clearly today.

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"If you feel that God doesn't like you and thinks you're not good enough for him, then somewhere along the way someone caused you to think that. The beautiful news is, this is not how God sees you or thinks about you. God knows you need help and hope, that you have sin that needs to be forgiven. But he also knows you have a hugs capacity for love, to understand his love for you.
He longs to show you an untainted picture of what his love looks like. That you would see this man Jesus for who he really is; a person who was marginalized by the religous community - but only because of his geuine love" (Jesus in the Margins - Rick McKinley pg 56)

I became a Christian in Junior High. Yeah, sometimes I can't imagine why.
I think it was mostly because I was scared at the time. I was afraid that God was basically going to send me to hell and soon if I didn't jump on board. I also had this thought that being baptized would help me break the "chain of sin" in my life. Well, it did that, I guess.
For some reason I never understood that Jesus loved me, and that he was really real, I knew he was something, I believe he had some special power that I didn't understand. I guess I just had a hard time seeing him as much more than this distant force that said He loved me, but never showed up to prove it.
It took me years to begin to see Jesus the way he is described here as a someone/ a person/ a Lord who honestly cares for me. He doesn't make me a number or a thing, but it is in Him I have found Reality, Truth.
As I read this book, "Jesus in the Margins", I totally identified with Rick McKinley, his story of living in the margins and finding faith is powerful to me. I think a lot of us live or have lived in the margins. Actually, sometimes I think there is great power in knowing what the margins are like. Almost as if living in the margins is the greatest place to live, because like Jesus, there you find those who "are like sheep without a shepherd."
God is doing something in our world, and I believe what He is doing is turning the margins in to the center of the page. Breaking the chains of "normalcy" and unleashing the upside down kingdom. I am thankful for it, I just want to be along for the ride.

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“I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do
that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend
Christianity.” (C. S. Lewis, God in the Dock)

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This is a beautiful Fairy Princess named Hayden. She really is a Princess. Hayden loved dressing up for Halloween, she got upset when tried to take her wings off and loved her shoes too. She went trick or treating for just a few minutes before we went to see Miss Patty Cake.
Did I mention we think Miss Patty Cake is awesome!?

Hayden is the sweetest most loving child I have ever seen. I am sure that's because she's mine, but I am pretty sure that she is the best gift I have ever reicieved.

In the spirit of the month: Lord I am so thankful for this special gift you have given Susan and I. May we bring her up in your light and love and encourage her to freely seek you in every way! Amen

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I got this from my buddy Ken:

" you have been tagged!
The rules:
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas…
5. Tag five people to do the same. "

After I didn't respond quickly enough for his liking he sent me this: (Which actually, I appreciate, because he did the homework and I didn't really feel like doing it. So, since he did the work, I'll oblige.)


I think this is the 5th sentence in your 23rd post. Do you remember it? I put a comment on your last post asking about this. It's a game of tag, and you haven't acted on it. Do you still feel the same way about your leadership, now?
Thursday, August 19, 2004 8:33 AM
My plethora...
I don't think I have ever felt so supported in my ministry time, ever!"


The statement in question is:

"I don't think I have ever felt so supported in my ministry time, ever!"

Whew!

This is so totally loaded, I went back and actually reread the post for context (it's funny what that does for you, in a lot of cases)

As I reviewed I realized the significance of what I said, and why I said it.

Let me start by saying this; at that time I was feeling really good cause things were going my way.
That is the basis for what I said and why I said it. It's the honest truth.
Am I proud of it? Not really.
Was it true at that time? Yeah.
Is it still true today? Ummm, I'm not so sure that it isn't, but I am not so sure that it is.

I think we all go through difficult times, but honestly my times have been difficultt for a long time.

Is it because of something I did? No

Is it because of something I didn't do? Maybe, maybe not.

Ultimately though, it does have to do with that bold statement up there. Am I totally getting my way right now? No. So, If that makes me feel unsupported then shame on me. If having my way is what life was all about, I'd be a two-faced liar. Because I am always preaching, "it's not about me or you, it's about Him."

I tell everyone we need to live our lives in a way that responds to the gospel message, as if it is the true "good news." Let's live because Jesus lived, not just because He died!

Where am I going?

Over the last few months I have read about many of my blog buddy's who have been/are going through tough, tough times in ministry. Issues, in some cases, similar to mine. I have read as they have gracefully loved God, and encouraged others in the midst of making tough decisions. I am even proud of how they have handled themselves in the light of their circumstances - you know who you are.

So, then do I feel supported right now? No, not totally.

Is some of that my fault? Yeah, probably.

Is it really all about me in the first place? No, not at all.

I am trying to gain proper perspective in my life right now. And I hope and pray I am one step closer.

So, who else is "it?":

DJG
Neal W.
Brian Burkett
Jason Retherford
Amanda Williams

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