I've been thinking a lot lately about something. Since my time in youth ministry began a long time ago I have unraveled something that is somewhat suprising.
As I have mentioned here before I grew up in the good ole' coC. It was all quite the status quo, we went to church everytime the doors were open, learned all the rules (spoken and unspoken, in context and out of context), and learned about how the church we went to was THE WAY TO HEAVEN. I always found these thoughts encouraging. I always found them neat. I never doubted my salvation nor did I ever think it could possibly be in doubt - I still don't by the way.
I have studied a lot about how to "reach young people" and how to "meet their needs" but over the years I have become saddened at what I have observed. After high school, the church and the youth group became afterthoughts. Unable to any longer hold the attention of young adults and teens alike. I have been really saddened by this. I believe that Barna reports that only about 1 in 10 of the kids who grow up in church actually stay involved or "remain faithful" (of course with that statistic I have to ask, are we speaking of them "remaining faithful" to the institution or to Jesus himself? That's another post of substance for a whole other day.)
The good news about this, if you want to call it good, is that some of them return. That is after they "settle down," but for some reason (and I'm generalizing here, so bear with me) they return hyper-legalistic. Almost as if in order to repay God for straying from the flock they want to over correct themselves, others and work to completely and totally reject all false teaching, which consequently they hated when they left "the Church." Only this false teaching isn't false it just that it's "what we were always taught" which has to make it golden and true. Now don't get me wrong some crawl out of the depths of legalism and scared living, but in my humble opinion it seems to be less than more.
The saddest part of this comes right here, the kids that grow up in the youth group tend to be the ones most affected by this. The kids that grow up learning what I learned and doing what I did seem to struggle the most. Just like I did. Is it because the church can no longer speak their language after all of the excitement of youth ministry? Or is there a deeper, underlying issue?
I think it has to do with both. I think that when we do youth ministry with our teens and kids it has a great place and can be used as an awesome tool. I think it gives many opportunities to encourage and nurture our teens and hopefully the entire family unit. I also think that there is a deeper issue here that is underlying and it deals more and delves into what I consider a heart issue.
Case in point, Meet Billy, Billy is a decent student, attends youth group outings regularly, leads prayers, devos and helps pass out the Lord's Supper on Sunday's. Billy grew up in the church so he has a good understanding of all of the rules. Everybody thinks Billy is the man, he's smart, has a great family, a great athlete and all around nice guy. Billy graduates from high school and moves out of the house to go to college a Christian college at that, the best one, True Church University. Billy get's to school and goes nuts, stops attending worship, stops being involved in church activities and mom and dad are upset. " I just can't believe it. How could Billy leave the church? He is such a good Christian. This just can't be, he must be ill." You bet he is.
Meet Michael, Michael is a bit different, does good in school. Things are OK at home, he has a good family that loves and supports him. Things are pretty good for him, he's popular and is also a good athlete. But for Michael, something is missing. He isn't sure what it is, but there is something that is just not right. Michael is invited to a youth event at church and likes it OK. Decides to keep going and before long he's hooked. Actually he participates more in activities than some of the church kids and he hasn't even accepted Jesus. Before long, Michael makes the decision, he decides to follow Jesus. Shortly after this Michael also graduates high school. He leaves home headed to Big State University. He immediately begins searching for the BSU Christian student center. He finds the student center along with a great church that he goes to with his new friends from BSU. He continues seeking God and is open to what God might lead him to do with his life.
So, what's the difference? These obviously are hypotheticals, but I have seen this play out year after year after year. Alot of the folks I know in other ministries have also expreienced it. So why? Why does this take place? What is the answer? I mean why is it that the kids who "grow up in the church" leave as quickly after high school as possible, and those who find Jesus at a later stage in their lives seem to stay more focused on running the race? I am still seeking to find the answer to these questions. I have a few clues but I haven't made an absolute conclusion nor do I think I will ever be able to.
Does this have something to do with complacency or apathy?
Does this have something to with the family unit?
Does this have to do with our churches not being effective?
I think all of these questions raise new questions, some lead to answers that give very real indications of an even larger issue.
Satan does everything he possibly can to try and derail us. He makes lots of things seem really important to us. He takes us off task, and tries to make us feel bad when we aren't keeping up with the Joneses and in so many ways each other. We have so much packed in to our lives we give Jesus such little opportunity to be in control of it. And his control of our lives can only come in the segments we want him to. Not all but definitely just enough for us to seem like we are really following him.
I don't have answers to these questions and that bugs me because, well quite frankly, we've always had the answers. I'm OK seeking them though. I just pray that in some way we can discover God's presence in a very real way, and allow him to be to us what we can't be for ourselves, or for each other. I pray that our families become transformed by the ever living God and we begin to help our children understand that God is everything to us and the way we live represents the way we feel about him and it causes us to live Christ centered, focused and missional lives. That is my prayer.
Not only that my daughter Hayden doesn't grow to be a pharisee but that she doesn't become a statistic on George Barna's website. Lord, help us all.
KentF said...
CL -
Thanks for dropping by and really good thoughts here. I dunno, being the youth deacon guy, I'm working with our YM trying to revamp our Sunday nights (who isn't these days?) to be much more youth friendly - I do wonder if anyone over the age of 55 understands our reasons for it.
Kent
CL said...
Great point Amanda. I think you are right on. I think it has much to do with both of the things you mentions specifically family - which influences college choice, personal choice, religous upbringing and so on. As well as type of church and its overall effectiveness. Which is why I wonder if these influences somehow make it harder/easier for a teen to develop a heart like Jesus.
steve said...
God Bless!
If you get a chance could you please say a prayer for a little girl named "Rebekah" who has cancer. God knows who you will be praying about! Thank you so much!
Trying to rally some good Christian Prayer for her and her family!
steve said...
thank you SO much. May God Bless you. Please let me know if you EVER have any prayer requests
God is good!
alabamapenguin said...
yep I finished the book. I'm letting a teacher read it right now.
Kristin
Jason Retherford said...
CL,
I appreciate your heart brother and the questions you ask are relevant to ministry.
Here is my two cents:
I didn't grow up in the church, as a matter of fact I was 21 years old before I attended church regularly. I was on fire as a new Christian, everything about God was so refreshing and new and exciting. Some of the friends I made who had grown up in church always talked about how they were struggling with passion, and many commented how it seemed late comers to this Jesus thing were more passionate than they.
I have observed over the last seven years that at times my fire has waned. Where did it go? I think somewhere in my journey I was blinded by institutional pharisee-ism. I mean this, what happens to new Christians in our brotherhood is that they are converted to the church, and quite a few find Jesus in our ecclesiastical haze, but really these newbies wind up learning church vernacular and well they become what they observe. We seem to pass on whether intentionally or unintentionally a spirit of legalism that cripples lifers and will eventually cripple late comers.
But I think there is hope...
His name is Jesus. I think the more we pursue Jesus the less blind we become, and the more we pursue, the more we hunger and thirst and the more we encounter the ever living God the more we are filled with a fire.
We need to be real careful that we preach Jesus Christ and Him crucified and resolve to not get caught up in other things.
Just my two cents.
CL said...
Jason, I think you hit the nail on the head with what you said,
"converted to the church." I think the instutionalization of all that we do regardless of what body you are a part of doesn't help people truly live out there lives as an extension of Jesus. There is no living for Jesus, because some of us aren't converted to Jesus, but to the church. Like you said some find Jesus in the great haze that is organized church going. Sadly, that number is few and far between.
It requires a paradigm shift, in other words can we stop converting people to be "members of the church" and bring them in the spirit and true life of Jesus? Which I believe gives people passion and joy for living and loving each others and I believe will lead people to a life that missional in nature. Thanks for your thought bro!
Curious Servant said...
I appreciate your posting.
I have two teen boys. Both are adopted from Haiti.
The older one is mentally retarded (he is going to be a junior).
The younger one (he is going to be a freshman)is so self conscious, so unsure. He does not want to be black and it is hard to parent him.
I worry that the younger boy is going to follow the path of "Billy".
I try to spend a lot of time with him, pray for him, guide him, but still he is going to be who he wants to be and I can only do what the Lord has given me to do. He will become who he wants to be.
I'm sure this isn't making any sense. It's been a tough summer and I have a lot of things to sort out.
Malia said...
Let's see I think you've got about maybe 8 cents worth of opinions here, so I'll add mine to make it an even 10!
Relationships. Not rules. I think those who form a relationship with the Father and don't just try to follow rules are less likely to stray. The catch is, how do you get teens to form a relationship with their heavenly Father? Especially the lifers for whom church is not exactly an option but a requirement. I have no answer for this. All I know is that somewhere along the way I just knew, understood, accepted that God would never leave me and during those times that I left him he continued to pursue me. My relationship with him now is certainly not all that it can be, but it's there. I'm thankful to my parents, to the churches I grew up and to the youth ministers and teachers that I had for giving me a great foundation to build upon and grow in.
steve said...
PLease Pray for little Rebekah RIGHT NOW. She is in surgery and not doing well at all.
God is good (and Big enough)
JD said...
Lots of good things to think about both in your post and in the comments here.
Generally, we do VERY POORLY at the teen/college/young adult transision in churches. I have watched our teenagers be booted out of teen class into the dreaded adult auditorium class. shiver.
Even as they go to colleges, this transition is a slippery one. Why do Christian colleges continue to allow clubs to rule the campus when a Christian college campus ought to be the hub of ministry in a community? Too much time is spent with the hazing, parties, activities, sports. I'm not a prude ... those are all good things (not the hazing) ... but Christian college campuses attempt to mimic secular campuses. I'd like to see them become centers of redemption and service for the community. My thought is that they ought to instill mission and purpose in the hearts of young people. I'm not sure how this is coming across ... but overall ... both in churches and in Christian college environments, we have believed that young people want to be like all the other young people of the world. So why are we shocked when they join them?
Niki said...
Well Chris,
I've been chewing on this post for a few days now and I'm still somewhere between being speechless and wanting to write a book. Let's just say I'm there with you. I think I'll chew some more. Good post brother!
JD said...
Chris, take care during Katrina. We're headed out in the morning following church.
Malia said...
I hope you and your family are okay in the aftermath of Katrina. Lots of prayers for all those affected by this terrible storm. (They closed schools in Nashville and surrounding areas yesterday because of the weather Katrina brought to our area. But nothing, nothing like what Mississippi, Louisiana and Alabama saw!)
car said...
The problem is as I see it, is that the commie liberals have taken over our small Christian colleges. They promote their filthy hippie doctrines and the kids at these smaller colleges are more susceptible to any message coming over and over again. (It only take one staff person, professor or popular student to divert a train of good students searching for answers) In the larger universities Satan's messages are more diluted with more choices and pathways available.
c said...
WHAT!?!?! Michael is going to the Baptist Student Union (BSU). Oh my Chris, this must be a misprint. No Baptists are Christians, especially on a state campus. (just kidding)
Interesting that you used the analogy of Billy and Michael, and you put them in Christian U and Big State contexts. I went through and worked in a campus ministry at Big State. It was encouraging to see kids find their own faith and not just live off mommy and daddy's faith. But we saw lots of teens from youth groups fall through the cracks as well.
Too often, youth ministry is a babysitting (or at least seen that way) tool for lazy parents. They expect their kids to learn "truths and life lessons" from someone besides themselves. Its another program that will churn out "good people" in this world. (Please don't get me wrong, I think we need youth ministers and youth ministry). But are we divived as a church, seeing people in what program they fit into instead of a person? Doug Pagitt had some interesting thing to say about how they treat a lets say 16 year teenager in their community. He describes (briefly) it in terms of a holistical approach in his book RE-Imagining Spiritual Formation.
These are great thoughts Chris, and good comments by others. Sorry to be so late in reading this fine post. I too hope my future children will not be another stat, but a missional person being a blessing to all.
